Monday, April 11, 2011

I bet my pile is bigger than your pile.

Often times I forget what is considered normal.

 I forget that not every household has a grocery bill of $300 per week minimum. Don't forget to add at least another $200 in toiletries.

I forget that not every household goes through a minimum of 5-8 gallons of milk per WEEK

I forget that not every household drinks a minimum of 5 gallons of water per DAY.

I forget that not every household goes through 36 rolls of toilet paper not in a month, but in a week instead. That only includes what we wipe with, not what gets watered down and plastered to the ceiling. It also doesn't include the rolls of toilet paper that become Barbie blankets or clothes. It also doesn't include the rolls of toilet paper that the kittens decide to shred into teeny tiny pieces and spread from one end of the house to the other. No, that's just what we wipe with.

I forget that not every household shops at Sam's club, not monthly or weekly but sometimes daily.

I forget that not every household washes 7 pairs of socks, 7 shirts, 7 pairs of jeans, 7 pair of undies, 7 towels,7 pair of pj’s, and blankets and sheets and whatever else may have gotten drug through the mud or used as a batman cape while running through the sprinklers, or need I say it? Much, much worse!

And then I am reminded how not normal it is when I post up a picture of one day’s worth of laundry on Facebook and people are completely in awe at the pile; that mind you, isn’t nearly complete.

It makes me giggle to think how intrigued people are with my laundry pile.  It certainly isn’t intriguing to me. But then again, I sometimes forget what is normal.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

♥ Broken Hearts ♥

My girl came home from school today sobbing with a broken heart.
When I finally got the reason out of her I didn't know how to respond.
I wanted to rip the heart out of the perpetrator, but I assume that this is a normal maternal response.

I tried to assure her that everything would be alright. I tried to listen, without offering too much advice. I am after all just a dumb mommy with no life experience, and certainly no experience with boys. As my life after all only began 14 years ago and I was magically an adult. 

Listening to her tale took me back to my own youth and it reminded me how many times my own heart was broken and how at the time it seemed like the end of the world.

I wanted to tell her that this too shall pass, but I knew she wouldn't hear it. I wanted to tell her that in 15 years she'd look back and laugh at how silly she must have seemed crying over some boy, but I knew that would only make her think that I didn't understand. I wanted to tell her that someday she'd find the boy who instead of making her cry would wipe all her tears away but I knew she wouldn't believe me. I wanted to tell her how much more life there is to experience, but I knew that this moment is all she can see.

I chose to take the delicate route. I chose to just listen and not say much. I don't want to overstep my bounds.
 But all this got me thinking.

Being a parent tends to leave you feeling raw. Constantly questioning yourself.

From the time they are born you begin to question yourself. "Am I feeding her enough?" "Am I feeding her too much?" Eventually those questions subside, only to be replaced with new ones. As they get older you question things like when are they old enough to go into a public restroom by themselves. While you question yourself, it's only for a fleeting moment and then it passes.

But never in my life have I questioned myself like I do while raising a teenage daughter. I feel so raw and unsure of myself as a mother.

I know that we are at one of the most delicate places that we will ever be as mother and daughter.  I know that the choices that she makes right now can very well affect her life for the next 4 years, quite possibly longer. I know that my reaction to those choices will affect my relationship with my daughter for the rest of our lives.

Which way do I go? Which way do I turn? Have I given her the tools that she needs to make the kinds of decisions she is facing right now? Have I shown her in every way that I know how to be a strong and independent woman and not to be swayed by peer pressure and insecurities?

Never in my life have I felt so raw.  Never in my life have I felt such fear.

Time will only tell. I pray that I have shown that she can be strong and that I am always here for her.  I pray that I have given her all the tools she needs to make the right choices. All the tools that I never had.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Sisters By Heart

I have this sister, but we didn't share the same womb. We don't have the same blood, but she's my sister just the same. She's the one I call when my sky doesn't seem so blue. She's the one who calls me when hers doesn't either.  She is the one who comes to me when she hears me calling, although I haven't said a word. I am the one that comes to her, when I hear the same.

She is the one who taught me what family really is. She taught me that the word sister doesn't always mean blood. She taught me that I don't always have to be strong, because I have a sister I can lean on.  She taught me that there is strength in numbers and that she will stand with me and face any adversary, right by my side. She is the sister I've never had.

She really is an amazing woman. She smiles through adversity. She always stands tall. She takes care of everyone, never thinking for a moment of her own needs. She inspires me, daily. She takes pride in all that she does. She is no stranger to a hard day’s work. She is the mother that I only dream of being. She has the patience of a saint. In fact, I often wonder where she hides her wings.

It's been said that friendship isn't one big thing, but a thousand small ones. I know that to be true, in sisterhood as well.